Opnsense issue odd, direct play plex files, anything over 35Mbit dies

[techieanalyst]

I have a strange issue, opnsense, on a vm, 8 vcpus assigned (physical nics are all 10gbit, 10gbit cisco switch, server all 10gbit), my local lan, i can play anything, all 7 tvs (LG OLEDs) zero issues all play direct

The second I introduce opnsense, remote folks just die on anything over 30-35Mbps

My upload is 1Gbit, download is 1.5Gbit, all fibre, speed tests support this

The VM I tested multiple nics and one nic with all vms assigned

CPU is a quad socket so i know its not the issue

What irritating, the second I put my ISPs modem back in (Bell home hub 3000), people can play direct play movies at 4k, no buffering nothing, smooth as butter

Nics, I tested intel x710s and I also have broadcoms, the physical nic assigned to the VDS makes no difference

Rebuilt new VDS switches, tested LACP lags, tested straight nic balance on load etc

the behavior is the exact same