They're not - which is what doesn't add up. Something should be logged but it's not showing up, apart from the retries seen in the IPSec log.
tcpdump -vvni em0 host 192.168.69.16 and host 192.168.69.35 and \( esp or udp port 500 or udp port 4500 \)tcpdump: listening on em0, link-type EN10MB (Ethernet), capture size 262144 bytes12:56:44.680503 IP (tos 0x0, ttl 64, id 4605, offset 0, flags [none], proto UDP (17), length 260) 192.168.69.35.500 > 192.168.69.16.500: [udp sum ok] isakmp 2.0 msgid 00000000 cookie 4d9f34e2e1639ee3->0000000000000000: parent_sa ikev2_init: (sa: len=36 (p: #1 protoid=isakmp transform=3 len=36 (t: #1 type=encr id=#20 (type=keylen value=0100)) (t: #2 type=prf id=#5 ) (t: #3 type=dh id=#31 ))) (v2ke: len=32 group=#31) (nonce: len=32 nonce=(827287beffc5103b98d9b644710a78b721b76bca083f9f69d2f58f94a78a41a3) ) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16388(nat_detection_source_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16389(nat_detection_destination_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16430(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16431(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16406(status))12:56:57.680202 IP (tos 0x0, ttl 64, id 5485, offset 0, flags [none], proto UDP (17), length 260) 192.168.69.35.500 > 192.168.69.16.500: [udp sum ok] isakmp 2.0 msgid 00000000 cookie 4d9f34e2e1639ee3->0000000000000000: parent_sa ikev2_init: (sa: len=36 (p: #1 protoid=isakmp transform=3 len=36 (t: #1 type=encr id=#20 (type=keylen value=0100)) (t: #2 type=prf id=#5 ) (t: #3 type=dh id=#31 ))) (v2ke: len=32 group=#31) (nonce: len=32 nonce=(827287beffc5103b98d9b644710a78b721b76bca083f9f69d2f58f94a78a41a3) ) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16388(nat_detection_source_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16389(nat_detection_destination_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16430(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16431(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16406(status))12:57:10.900754 IP (tos 0x0, ttl 64, id 47283, offset 0, flags [none], proto UDP (17), length 260) 192.168.69.16.500 > 192.168.69.35.500: [udp sum ok] isakmp 2.0 msgid 00000000 cookie c577bf7c503bbfda->0000000000000000: parent_sa ikev2_init: (sa: len=36 (p: #1 protoid=isakmp transform=3 len=36 (t: #1 type=encr id=#20 (type=keylen value=0100)) (t: #2 type=prf id=#5 ) (t: #3 type=dh id=#31 ))) (v2ke: len=32 group=#31) (nonce: len=32 nonce=(98b6543b90e8c16705c972bd37967c273fe1c561bcf130ca3457fdc89a080509) ) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16388(nat_detection_source_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16389(nat_detection_destination_ip)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16430(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16431(status)) (n: prot_id=#0 type=16406(status))^C3 packets captured1703 packets received by filter0 packets dropped by kernel
09[IKE] <con1|1> establishing IKE_SA failed, peer not responding